Why it Hurts to be so Handsome

So imagine this. You wake up and yet again you beat your alarm clock, what wakes you up is your cell phone. You forget that you left your vibrate on and it is ringing non stop. You have not even had your morning cup of coffee, yet there lies your phone vibrating like your girl’s dildo shaped like my penis. All these women (and some men) trying their best to be the first one to say good morning to you as the day starts. Why? Because you are so handsome and everybody wants some of this. That’s right, I am writing about my daily struggle of being so handsome. Although I am very fortunate and am able to essentially get any materialistic good I have ever wanted in my life through people trying to impress me, what I lack is an emotional fulfillment that gives me purpose in my life. I really just wish that these fuccgurls (and some fuccbois) would realize that I do not exist for their pleasure. I am my own being  and I will decide whose DM to accept or not. Speaking of DM’s do not get me started. I will only accept your DM request if your IG account is open and if you are an 8 (I am an 11 out of 10, good luck) or above. Anything lower, step off pleb. Do you know who you are trying to talk to? My perfectly coiffed hair, the curves that adorn my body, and my lovely speaking voice. It is actually crazy that I am not in Korea pursuing a K-Pop career or used in wars like Helen of Troy to cause global conflicts between our enemies. Losing me in war though would be an international tragedy.

Perhaps the worst thing is how everyone is trying to steal my look. Ever since I got famous for being so handsome, all these Kardashions have been trying to make their butts bigger, tone their legs, and rock big plump lips but it just does not work because there is only one me. All these people are just jacking my style and I cannot even right now. But what I really want is someone to connect with. You have no idea how many of these fuccgurls will say things like “Hey Baron, you’re so handsome, meet my parents” or “Hey Baron, you’re so cute, I could just eat you up”, I’m just like, bitch please! Just because I am handsome does not mean that I am dumb, I am actually really smart, I went to University and I am a Libra. I need someone who can match me on an emotional and mental wavelength. I just need someone who gets me. Why can’t anybody else be as perfect as I? Honestly, when you are just so handsome, it is more of a burden than it is a gift. And in this world where people of colour are considered the minority, I think the true minority is me because I am so handsome.

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