A few weekends ago, I watched stand up comic – Andrew Schultz do his thing to a sold out crowd at Scotia Bank Arena as part of his Life tour. It was a dream of his to perform where the Raptors played so mission accomplished. Before he got on stage, there was a video compiling many moments of his life – him as a kid, him onstage, him having a good time with friends. I just had this wave of emotion run over me as I thought “Damn, this guy is really living his dream and I’m supporting his dream. That’s pretty cool.” But I am a narcissist and throughout the show, while enjoying my time, I kept thinking – what is my dream? Of course, he was amazing – his charisma onstage, the way he had the crowd eating out of the palm of his hands was great. He had us laughing, in silence, and in suspense whenever he wanted too, he owned the room. As he was doing his thing, it just added to the weight of my question, what is my dream and what did I get from watching his show.
His storytelling was legit, really good. And I consider myself to be a strong storyteller too. I’ve done roasts before, coached teenage kids, and have performed onstage as well – also I work in advertising. But regardless, he was just at another level and I started to doubt myself. This guy makes a fortune by telling stories. Why can’t I do that? Maybe I’m actually not as good at storytelling as I thought I was. Maybe I’m just the loudest voice in the room. What do I need to do to get good at something – anything, like he is at storytelling. What do I have to do to be able to move people like he did while he was performing. Because if I’m being honest, I think any job where I can just tell stories and make people laugh or have them be entertained would be an awesome job. I like attention when I have earned it. Is that the dream? In a way am I also looking to become a performer or something along those lines?
But beyond that, what is my dream? Andrew seemed like he was living his. Luffy wants to become the King of the Pirates, Naruto wants to become Hokage, and Sir Mix-a-Lot just wants big butts – what does Baron want? When I was an athlete I wanted to win the big game but I’m not competing anymore. Professionally, in the world of advertising I would like to put a sponsorship on a Formula 1 car or be a jersey sponsor for a big professional sports team. But that is a dream within the vacuum of advertising. I don’t think that working this job is a dream job. I don’t think my dream and this profession have any similarities besides that I really enjoy the people I work with. So there’s a part of it, whatever my dream is, I want to enjoy with other people. I also don’t believe that it is necessarily healthy to have a dream job, sometimes you just need a job that pays you well enough that you can pursue those dreams.
As I’m writing this, I’m also realizing how dumb it is to call them dreams, I will now refer to this as goals. I have mentioned in the past that my end game is to move to the south of France. Whether that is something that I do in retirement or within the next decade, we’ll see. But even so, that’s not an active goal. I want something that I have to earn. Sure, you earn the money to move/retire where you want but that’s not it for me. The goal has never been to make a lot of money. Money is nice and I will always value it. But it’s never been the reason that motivated me. I think that whatever my goal is, it needs to be fulfilling. It needs to move me in a direction where I’m excited to wake up.
When I was in school, I always was excited to wake up. See my friends, work towards a championship, contribute to the culture of what we were trying to build and just relishing in the tradition that was already established. I know it’s some cult type stuff, but I’m for real on my high school musical type grind, if that makes sense. I am lacking some of that nowadays. I need something to drive me. I need that goal. I am aimless and I am looking for that goal or dream that I can earn and build towards. Something that is mine and nobody else’s. Even if I got married and had kids, this goal would be my own. I told you I’m selfish. I want to be like Michael Jordan in the locker room, crying and holding onto that Larry O’Brien Trophy. I don’t know what it is. I know the feeling in my chest but I can’t practically see it or figure it out. This is so frustrating.