Straight Men In Society Need To Rally To An Agreement

Summer is here. As the temperature rises so must our temperament for a certain article of clothing. I’m talking about shorts – we as straight men must collectively agree that the inseam of shorts need to rise. For too long have I been shopping for shorts only to find quality materials and sales happen for shorts that have a 9″ inseam or longer. Gentlemen, what I want to do is teach you that you do not need to cover your knees when wearing pants. I want to implore us as men, to embrace visible knees and exposed thighs. From brother to brother, I want you to feel the sun’s warmth travel up your leg on a Saturday on the patio with the rest of the boys. Shades on, manspread fully in play, as the water droplets from your pint hit 3 inches above your knee to cool the contrast of summer’s embrace. That’s what I want for me, for you, and for your dad who might be a little old school.

And it’s not just the sensation. I want my men out there to feel confident about their legs and how they look. I want y’all to strut with your lower thigh peaking out showing that you’re that gir-boy, you’re that boy. Women will look in sexual fervor seeing that your confidence is fully exposed. Just like we stared at those old Carl’s Junior ads – I want women to stare back at us in the same manner. This is not sexism – this is equality. Don’t you understand that the shorter short is more timeless than the longer short. Look back at the 2003 NBA season – those shorts were just capris and they aged horribly. In every sport that requires shorts, we are making a return to the shorter short. Basketball, soccer, rugby (of course), and football.

Men, it’s time that we collectively throw out the shorts that go past 7″ on the inseam. It’s time that we boycott all sales for longer shorts. It’s time that we DEMAND short short representation just as our female counterparts have. I want to STRUT damnit. I want us to strut. As straight men we have been able to convince ourselves that it’s not weird to watch other grown men wear tight pants for sport. If we can convince ourselves that Leo DiCaprio is our idol because he gets laid a lot, surely we can all get shorter shorts too. This is something that us straight men have to use our privilege for. I want to see exposed skin in gyms, at the workplace, at a picnic in the park. When you’re out for a stroll, when you’re shopping for more shorts – I want to see some thigh damnit. Let it shine!

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