Square Up

So obviously I’m very popular. Every weekend people are constantly trying to get me to hangout with them, meet their friends, and as the children say nowadays “get lit”. So on weekends you can often find me at a bar or at a house party enjoying myself. Recently, me and many of my male friends have noticed something peculiar. Whenever there are other males in these party settings (which of course there will be), we always size each other up. On a surface level, I don’t understand but let’s take a dive into this display of macho manliness.

So typically when you size up others it’s because you’re looking to see what the other person is about. But more than that it’s seeing what they are about in relation to you. So what may run in my head may be, “does this guy look like he can take me in a fight or threaten me in anyway”. Now why would my mind jump to being threatened and imposed on? When you’re around other men in other settings like school or at work, this is never the case. So I’ve figured it out guys, the reason why we do this is because we all have very fragile egos.

The difference in a school setting among other men and a party setting among other men is that you’re looking to have the best possible time at a party. That entails: getting hammered, a little dirty dancing, broments, but most importantly – getting laid. When you’re looking to have a selfish grand ol’ time, you know other men are too. It becomes a subconscious competition to try and achieve having a good time over the other selfish dicks. Other selfish dicks can easily swoop in and talk to that girl you’ve been drunk eye fucking for 10 minutes without talking to, and that’s the problem. You spent too much time sizing up other dudes and nervously eye fucking a girl that you let that dude who you think you can take in a fight (but propably can’t because you have chicken legs and you haven’t done a push up since ‘Nam) steal your opportunity in getting some action tonight. Sizing someone up is almost a defensive mechanism to an offence that you made up in your head. Due to your belief in other guys being able to take away your good time, you have to justify your lack of good time and eventual bruised ego to an excuse.

In reality, you have nothing to worry about. In your head you’ve developed an awful way to trick yourself into a challenge you never needed and that is 100% your fault. So if you’re a guy at a party sizing someone up, remember to take that metaphorical dick out your ass, loosen up and to have a good time. Someone else’s potential presence should never take away from your making of good memories.