MAJOR LIFE UPDATE: The King’s Speech

For the first time since high school, I measured my height. I’ve always been timid of measuring my height on the off chance that I actually happen to be 6 feet tall, therefore losing my status as a Short King and losing all the powers bestowed upon me. Powers such as not complaining about leg room, never fearing hitting my head on a door frame, and having people gawk at me (although my good looks make me to be an exception if I’m being honest). I’ve been telling people for the past decade that I’m 5’6″ or around 169 cm – nice. However it turns out that I’m actually 5’7″ and am no longer 169 cm. I know that this comes as a shocker for most but please let me explain.

For the past decade now my height challenged brethren have used me as a platform and mouth piece to spread the good will of the royal court. Now only to have realized that I’ve actually been lying about my powers and stature. Before coming out and revealing this information I made sure to tell my close friends. The question immediately came up “Baron, what does this mean for your crown?”. And to be frank, I do question the size of the crown on my head now. And to double down on it, I wonder how short the throne that I sit so high above now measures up to. I don’t know if that sentence makes sense but I wanted to write it. Just let me be clear. If you are under 5’9″, if you identify as a man, and you don’t let your height define you – you are a Short King. This is by my decree, the Short King decree. My high throne just happens to be one inch taller, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m the same man.

If I were on a dating app, I still wouldn’t change my height as my powers still remain. My credibility as your sponsor does not change due to one inch. I am and always will be in support of our cause. Rest assured, we can all look towards the future together, we can all look up from here. We will get over this, inch by inch.

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