I’m too old for everything

I’m not even 30 yet but being in my late 20’s feels like I might as well be. The other day, I went out drinking with some friends and couldn’t even make it to midnight. We went to 3 different bars, drank at the crib – and I had no juice for the rest of the bar hopping. Was it because I was drunk? Actually, no. It’s because I was sleepy. I’m so old that I am incapable of even getting drunk anymore because the beddy byes hit me before the drunk hits. That’s like the worst reason to drink, not because of how alcohol makes you feel loopy but because you need help sleeping. What the heck, but this is in a long line of other things that I feel too old for.

For instance, I went to a bar the other night, chatted up a woman as I do, she tells me that she just got a new job. She tells me that her new job is her first adult job. I asked her when she graduated, she said last April. That would make her 22? Now that’s only a 6 year age gap. But between 28 and 22, that 6 years is the difference from being a millennial to a gen z. She never used Facebook. She’s never poked someone. Ash probably left Johto by the time she watched Pokemon. And I just kind of stood there and was like “oh my God, am I ancient to her?” And then Backstreet Boys played and she told me that she didn’t know the song. WHAT? How can the gap be that wide, what is happening? Was she too young to be there or was I too old to be there?

Granted, I feel like I’ve been big bro all my life. I have a younger brother, I’ve always been the mature one in class, and would often take charge in my friend group. Not to mention, I took my time with school and was usually a year or two older than most people I was in the same class with, and was older than my RA when I was in university but MY GOD. This reality is just hitting me like crazy. I’ve always liked being big bro, I’ve always liked taking care of my friends but now I’m at that age where I’m looked at as a mentor and a leader for new hires at work – I’m no longer the young guy who is full of surprises. I’m still an innocent young man, I still pull out the Google Maps to find the clit.

Not to mention that my body feels old and decrepit. I have an especially bad knee from my rugby days and I can always tell the weather is changing, either shifting from too warm to too cold or vice versa, because my knee will start aching. Like it’s defrosting and it’s getting loose, or it’s tightening because it’s getting cold. I’m 28 but my knees are 56, prone for arthritis and my back is 64 as I can’t sit in an office chair too long or be in bed for more than 8 hours before it starts getting sore. I’m just hoping that my mental and age gracefully grows with father time, like how my body grew to my head as I hit puberty.

I know that I’m still young but damn reality hasn’t been kind.

Also I fall asleep at the movies now.

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