Dearly beloved, we are in June – which means that we are in summer. Summer – the season of not only love, but the season of weddings. If you’re an adult you might find yourself traveling from city to city, from winery to winery, from plantation to plantation – celebrating your loved ones. But who will you be celebrating with? Your lover? But what if you don’t have one? What if you’re at that age where everybody seems to have it locked down and have their plus ones for the summer. What if you feel sad to be showing up to all these weddings by yourself, as uncles and aunties try to pawn you off to their weird and of course, single children. Well fret not – for a price, you can hire me to become your rent-a-boyfriend for the day.
Let me establish some ground rules. I am LGBTQ+ friendly and for hire, will be your boyfriend to whatever marriage or reception that you would like. There will be no sexual contact of any kind as I will only be an escort and that’s it. Now what would I offer? For anyone who’s unaware I used to be a university athlete as well as someone with a theatre background. Meaning that I’ve been adept at playing a role and playing it under pressure. You’d be hiring someone who would not only make a convincing date but an amazing guest. I can schmooze with the best of them, dance like a member of the Jabberwockies, and have the discipline to do it all sober enough to take care of you while you’re drunk. Let’s get to the packages.
Bronze Package
- Will dress accordingly for the event
- Three song dance limit
- Will appear in two pictures max
- Meet and greet with whoever you’d like all night
- No alcohol consumption
OK so this is the base level package. This is for if you’re looking for just some eye candy on your arm. As a reasonably attractive man with good manners I will be able to get any creepy uncles off of you, while making you look good in front of other guests. I will also not be drinking alcohol as I will not be trying to do too much. Guaranteed a safe night.
Silver Package
- Bronze package +
- Six song dance limit
- Will appear in four pictures max
- Match somewhat with your wardrobe (ex. if you wear a blue dress, I will wear a blue tie)
- Two drink limit
The next level up nets you a few more goodies. As mentioned before I am a dynamite dancer and can really impress anyone you want at the wedding. I’ll even have a few drinks to loosen up a bit while maintaining most of my bodily and mental capacity. We can coordinate our outfits a little and with the opportunity to take more pictures, this would be a great combo.
Gold Package
- Silver package +
- Ten song dance limit
- Will appear in 8 pictures max
- Create a backstory on how we met
- Will create a persona if need be (for instance, you told your friends that you were dating a doctor, I can become that doctor)
- Three drink limit
Honestly, a pretty great deal with many benefits. With the created backstory and persona, you won’t even have to pretend that we just met. You won’t have to say much at all regarding me. I’ll use my theater and stage background to play the role of your cool date. I’ll even have another drink to loosen up dance moves more. If six dances weren’t enough, ten dances will let you and the crowd know who truly rules the dancefloor. With eight pictures, you can also coordinate them freely throughout the day.
Deluxe Platinum Boyfriend Experience
- Gold package +
- Unlimited songs/dance
- Unlimited pictures
- Client has absolute control over wardrobe coordination
- Will become the life of the party and schmooze everybody you want me to schmooze
- Will dance and interact with others freely
- Will create a cinematic-like meet cute experience
- Will prepare a speech just in case an ordained minister is needed or if I charm the heck out of the couple
- Six drink limit
Surprise surprise, I am also an ordained minister and will fill in aptly if one is needed. This package is the real deal. Essentially what you’re getting is the ultimate date. Handsome, charming, smart, great dancer – you’re getting the complete package. You will not have to worry about others questioning the legitimacy of our relationship as I will create our love story. I’ll roam the party and charm and schmooze everybody. To the point where people will ask you about me when the wedding is over. I will be the life of the party as I have done in my past as a jock, meathead, university athlete.
Contact For Rates
If you’re interested in my services, feel free to reach out via my Instagram. I will share you my rates. If there is a package that you want to tweak, please feel free to message me about that as well and we can negotiate what works best for everyone. I just want my clients to feel safe and happy at their weddings this summer and not ridiculed for another summer of loneliness. Let me be the beacon at the end of your tunnel of love for just one day. I am an incredible fake lover.
Xoxo
