I Love Being Objectified

Growing up, I was never considered very attractive. Yeah I was cute, cute like a child or like a puppy but I was never conventionally attractive. For 90% of my life I’ve been short, chubby, and not white (2/3 of those things I have been 100% of my life). My ego was always shot knowing that it was always going to be an uphill climb with attracting women. This was especially true when most of my friends, especially in undergrad were white athletic dudes. In my friend group, among women I always felt like I was just comedic relief. I didn’t have great success with women but the truth is that for the few women who showed interest in me, they definitely liked me for my personality. But how great is that right? NO, WRONG. I’ve always been kind, I’ve always been funny, and I’ve always been great at parties. I was born with these things and I will always have these things for the rest of my life. These traits are not finite. However, beauty is. And as I’ve sculpted my body into the visions of Adonis, I can absolutely say without a doubt in my mind that I love being objectified by women.

My physical appearance will not always look the way that I have right now. As my hairline gets worse, my muscles can’t recover, and my sense of style falls into the ages of the past – things will not always look the same. So I love when women cat call me and walk by checking me out. It’s like, finally I’m getting the treatment that I believe that I deserve. Being told I’m handsome is like the best thing in the world. Having a stranger (woman) tell me that I’m attractive through a mutual friend is like COCAINE. Just kidding, I have never done cocaine before but I can assume that it’s what it feels like. Like for real, I don’t need you to tell me that I’ve got a good heart or that I’m a hard worker, I’ve been told these things my entire life. These things don’t matter to me anymore.

And for the women out there reading this and thinking about how nice it must be to be a man, would you please let me have my moment in the sun. Yes, I admit that the plight of women being judged for their appearance is bad, but just for once be happy for me. My enjoyment of being considered a piece of meat, means nothing for your disdain for being considered a piece of meat. For once in your life, be happy that a boy who has never considered himself anything other then a sidekick finally looks somewhat like the main character. For once in my life, I am not Ned from the Spiderman films, I’m more like Peter Parker – my fellow Short King. No one wants to date the guy in the chair, they want to date Spiderman. Would you please give me one fucking moment in the sun? Thank you.

As a handsome man, I am above the rest of you less good looking common folk and I know that I am the absolute shit. It feels good knowing that people can look wherever they want but they choose to look at me. Why? Because I’m a hot piece of ass. My shit don’t jiggle jiggle, it rolls into your DM’s and says hey what’s up hello.

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