The title is clickbait but it’s also not so far removed from the truth. Obviously I have friends and I have written about them in this blog. I even live with my high school friend Johnny, who is a friend I met while I was in high school, while he was also in high school – not a friend who is currently in high school. What I mean though is that I find myself spending a lot of time alone. Even when I’m in the most populated city in the country, surrounded by more people than most would care for. But what do I mean by being lonely and having no friends? What I’m saying is that I currently don’t have any immediate friends, even though I thought I would when I moved to Toronto and I don’t know what to do about it.
When I lived back home in London with my folks, it wasn’t like I saw my friends all the time but I saw them enough to not feel lonely and being alone was a choice. My choice to live at home, meant that I probably wasn’t going to socialize and be out and about as I would spend time helping out my parents at the shop, as well as living in a city where there is less opportunity to go out and be a nuisance on my bank account. Now that I’ve moved to Toronto though, it’s the opposite. A lot of my friends from school + work live in this city so I thought seeing friends would be a breeze but it’s actually not.
The first hurdle is that I live in the eastside of Toronto which is great and very underrated but young people like me, tend to live on the westside which is more known for being the core of downtown, where nightlife is vibrant, and the restaurants are trendy. The eastside is a lot more chill, it’s great but it doesn’t have that allure that the westside has. And it’s only like a 25 minute public transit ride away but for people who live in the west, unless they have a car (even if they have a car) coming to the eastside is a freaking chore and nobody wants to come here because they think it’s boring. Whenever I speak to my friends about coming east they either talk about how long it’s been since they’ve been east, who they know who lives east, or how the east is nice and that they should come out here more. They ain’t coming. Whatever, I can make the trip to the west side of town, no problem.
And contrary to the internet, not everyone is an introvert. I’m quite extroverted and I often feel the urge to just have conversations with people. I love meeting new people and having live interactions but it’s just not happening that often in my life right now. It’s not like I’m not trying either, I am texting friends who I haven’t seen in time to catch up in Toronto but it rarely ever pans out because life. We’re both eager but then something happens, or we’re both busy – I get it, stuff happens.
I go into office 3-4 days out of the week but nobody really shows up either so I can’t really make work friends which is unfortunate. The only people I speak to in-person at the office with are the receptionist – Stephen, the morning security guard – Netal, and the male custodian – Ivan (I haven’t gotten the women custodian’s name yet but we talk all the time). It’s just hard to make friends, which is strange because it’s the one thing I’m better at than 99% of people on this planet.
But beyond that, as a single man in his late 20’s – most of my friends are in relationships and sure, I’m bitter but at the same time – I get it. I’ve mentioned this many times but if I had a an SO, this blog would never have a schedule that it would meet the standards of. I’m sorry but I’m a simp and you all know it. Single men aren’t just single in romantic relationships but they also seem single in general companionship, period. It’s a bit sad innit? And although, I believe that I am all my close male friends’ pre-girlfriend friend, as in I’m the one that they vented and cried to before they got their girlfriends, there is something that I cannot and will not ever provide for them that their girlfriends can. Even though many of them have joked about it. I’m a real dick magnet.
I know that I’m bitter because whenever my friends are complaining about their SO’s, in my mind I go “welcome to my world”. It’s not the response I want to have cognitively but it’s the first thing that comes to mind. Of course, I never say anything, I just listen and nod to the things that they’re too afraid to tell their SO. But in my internal monologue, I wonder do they feel like they can share this with me because I’m always lonely, therefore I can relate or because they think that I’m sound of mind and a neutral party? If it’s the former do they pity me for being alone all the time? Anyways, the art of listening vs hearing is a whole other blog article that I can write about some other time.
In the past year, I’ve been reading about how men are more lonely now than they’ve ever been in contrast to woman and I understood but never related to it until now. I really just don’t have immediate friends right now who I could just hit up and hangout with or people to really support me if I’m in a down spot. It’s unfortunate and as an adult that is life but it’s just sad knowing that it’s the reality. And it’s also my default that when I’m in trouble, I never ask for help or complain to others first, I just by instinct go through the internal dialogue of how to get out of a sticky situation until I’m legitimately out of answers.
When I eat alone at restaurants, go to movies by myself, or solo travel – a lot of my friends think that this trait of mine is me flexing my independence and at first it was but now it’s just a bit disappointing and lonely. I think a lot nowadays, did I overcorrect myself? Did I focus on myself too much? Did I feed my ego too much and this is the result that I get? Should I have cared more about what other people said? Is this loneliness something that I put on myself? This is my fault, isn’t it. It’s not a great feeling.
And I know I’m not the only one going through this. I’ve had some friends vocalize this as well. Not just men, people – people are just lonely. And I know that people will do anything to put themselves through that loneliness by putting themselves in situations where they can be anything but lonely. Also, I don’t know really know why I’m writing this. Not sure if I’m venting or if this is supposed to be somewhat analytical about myself, or maybe this is even a cry for help. And if it’s coming off as a cry for help, this might be scaring you off even more – which I understand. However, if you relate to this at all – I hope that reading this will give you some sense of comfort.
Just call your friends, check up on them. Make sure that they’re doing OK. Catching up is a good thing. If you know me, you know that I’m an extrovert, you know how easy I am and how good I am at making friends. I’m the guy who solo travels to make friends with strangers and I went on a date with a girl I met on a Greyhound (shout out to Shana) – and I’m the one writing about loneliness. Also, I apologize if the flow of this article is hard to read as this article is just brain vomit that I’ve been sitting on for the past few weeks.
