How to not hate the club


To preface this entry I’d just like to state that I am a (involuntary) single twenty year old male who is currently in his second year of university. I say this so you all understand the perspective I am writing from. Now this year has been one of great change for me as I have ditched my fuccboi tendencies to become a more mature(?) and respectful human being. Gone are the days of impressing girls with my biceps and arrived are the days where I realize that cardio is pretty important too. Ironically though, I have grown to enjoy going out to clubs and bars more. This is something I used to hate – this time last year you couldn’t pay me enough to go to a bar. If you follow my YouTube channel you will know why. I think I’ve realized why I’m enjoying the experience more. Now I hate listicles because I’m insecure of the one time I lost a writing job to some basic ass chick who wrote listicles but I’m going to write one, except this one won’t be one line of text and some stupid GIF. So this is “How to not hate the club” by A Thoughtful Bear.

1. Find your group

Squad squad squad

Pretty self explanatory right? All my friends last year who wanted to go out to clubs were all girls so I went with them and you might think “oh that must be nice going to the club with a group of girls”, well it’s not. When I go to bed and close my eyes, wrapped in the stillness of my dark empty room, I hear the shrill noise of basic white women. If you have ever had that siren go off in your head you will never not have it there ever again. Also, girls cry a lot when they’re drunk and nothing is more useless than me trying to help a crying girl (what do I do with my hands? Do I hold her? How tight do I hold her? Where do I hold her?). Girls tend to get hit on by dudes a lot, I’ve often found myself quite jealous of the attention, which leads to me crying as well.

“But A Thoughtful Bear, you’re being biased!”, right you are loyal fan but the same rule goes for guys. You know what type of dude usually hits on or hangs around basic women? Fuccbois! Stay away from fuccbois because their shitheads will consume your ambition in life – I would know, I’ve been one. Fuccbois are usually seen wearing: jeans, sneakers, untucked open oxford shirts, and baseball caps. Basic girls are a little hard to spot but if she is drinking a vodka cran, you probably found one.
“So A Thoughtful Bear, you think you’ve found your crew?”, DING DING DING, loyal fan you are killing it today with these questions today. I currently live in a house with a bunch of really cool dudes. Yes I have found my crew as nothing is cooler than drinking with three to four other single dudes.

2. The pre is essential

The pre-drink is arguably the best part about going out as the pre-drink sets the pace for your night out (the pace of your lit-ness aka the litness test and the pace of your drinking). At the pre, have chase if you need it and know how many drinks you can have before you get too groggy. I have found myself drinking way too much and passing out before going out too many times. The pre is dope because usually you’ll have the friendly environment of a house, a good social atmosphere to lube your social skills when you get to the bar and hopefully listen to some dope music before the DJ at the bar fucking sucks and ruins great music by mixing them into something else. Part one correlates with part two as the pre is where a lot of the night gets organized. If your crew sucks at organizing your night might suck too. Essentially, a dope pre equals added anticipation for the club making shit all the more hype.

3. Don’t go to a country themed bar

Self explanatory

4. Know where you’re going/when you’re going

If you plan on going to a club on a Thursday night when there are no drink specials at like 8 pm, don’t be bummed out that nobody is there. Congratulations, you played yourself. There’s a reason why cover was two dollars you idiot. A huge reason to why clubs and bars can be so much fun is because of the social atmosphere that exists. If you’re an extrovert you will vibe off that energy all night but even an extrovert will realize how empty a dance floor looks when no one is on it. This step coincides with step three, as you should be aware of what kind of bar you’re going to. Is it a place that only plays EDM, do they play rap, is this a place that is known for it’s tequila drinks – always have this knowledge in your back pocket so you never show up to a party thinking that you don’t belong. Also figure out when certain drink specials are on because personally, as a university student, I can’t afford much. Cover is already kicking me in the nuts and it could be negative 20 outside and I still don’t bring a coat. Life is tough when you’re a student looking to have a good time but it makes it all the more worthwhile.

5. Don’t expect for everything to go your way

Don’t expect to get laid, don’t expect for dudes to be buying you drinks (if you do this you might be self obsessed), don’t expect that you’re not going to throw up. All those things could happen but just as possible as those things happening, there is an equal chance of them not happening. Back in the day I would go out to a club or bar expecting to get laid and more often than not it didn’t happen. When it didn’t happen, I just felt shitty and called the night a failure. Usually the nights where you plan for all these expectations are the nights that things don’t go as planned. When you have expectations, you constrict yourself to those plans and if they don’t fall through you call the whole night a wash. Hope to get laid, hope to meet some cool people, hope to not puke, and just ride the vibe of the party because at the end of the day you’re there to have fun and in order to have the most fun possible, I believe it should be done organically without too much discussion or thought. If you’re having a good time when you’re out, everything else will follow – you can believe that, I give you my word.


Real talk…this movie sucks ass

In conclusion, stay away from country themed bars because country music sucks, hangout with cool people who you enjoy the company of, have a great time before heading to the bar, know which bar you love, and ride the good vibes for the rest of the night. Like Sway, I don’t have all the answers but I’m learning and if you have any thoughts otherwise, let me know in the comments. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy your next night out.

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