Sometimes things just go well together, as if a God had decided to make it so. For instance, peanut butter and jelly or eggs and bacon. However this article will provide some great pairs that you probably have never thought of but once I bring it up, you’ll go “ahhh yes that makes sense”. This is another purely satirical article for you to read as you trudge through you day. So if I get something that you don’t agree with or if I forget something, then please let me know kindly in the comment section. Here we go!
Taking A Shit Before You Shower
If you truly want to be clean, you will never be cleaner than taking a dump before going into the shower. This will quite literally make you the cleanest you’ve ever been. Doing this would make you clean on the inside and the outside. Part of the mystique of this combo is that you need it to happen in exactly that order. Step 1. Shit step 2. shower. Reversing that order pretty much ruins your shower and you will no longer be clean. It’s like going to the bar, not having a single drink, then going home afterwards and you start drinking. It doesn’t make sense – it’s down right illogical.
Alcohol and Nicotine
Regardless of your nicotine delivery apparatus (cigarettes, vaping, gum, pouches) this is an elite combo. The true vets know that this combo is actually grouped with a third combo and that is a cool breeze. You come out of the bar, you’ve got a buzz from the drink, and then you double down on it with a fresh breeze and a head rush – bro, don’t tell me that this isn’t what heaven feels like. A tricky thing about this combo is that whenever you drink, you’re going to need nicotine. It’s like once you get it, you can’t go without it anymore. This is like when people get drunk and say “Oh my God, I need a cigarette”. Of course, I’m a square and a straight edge boy, so I’m not writing from personal experience, just an eye witness account.
Black and Red (If you’re a dude)
Black and red (Bred) Air Jordans, black and red on sports uniforms, black and red on cars. If you’re a dude, you pretty much know that the black and red colourway is the coolest colourway there is. Like the black is like cool and mysterious and you don’t have to think too much about it. But the red is like bright and exciting . . . and dangerous? Because blood? I don’t know, it sounds cringe but trust me it’s cool. That’s why so many dudes wear black and red lumberjack shirts, that’s why so many teams are red and black. There is literally a CFL team named the Ottawa RedBlacks because they know that black and red are what’s up. Face it, black and red is cool and now you know what colour to get that shirt in for your boyfriend.
Disappointments And Parents
Whether you’re disappointing them or they’re disappointing you, once parents are involved there is going to be disappointment involved. They didn’t show up to your game? You’re disappointed. You performed like crap at your recital? They’re disappointed in you. You’re Asian and you didn’t go into STEM. They’re Asian and don’t understand why you took a career path that wasn’t predestined by them. Get a tattoo? Date someone not up to snuff? Show up to the front door with a cop because you liked how Malibu Rum tasted when you were 16 and yelled at a policeman? You get the point. Just know that no matter how proud of you they are, just know that there was a lot of disappointment and one point. Disappointment that if you brought up at a calm family dinner, a whole kerfuffle would occur. No this is not personal, I promise.
Me And Your Mom
Yeah me and your mom go way back. We met at a pilates class and exchanged contact information at a Starbucks after our session. We’ve been seeing each other for awhile now. That’s why she seems to call you at the worst times because she’s spending her best times with yours truly. I can’t lie, this relationship has been a ton of fun for me. She’s taught me a lot and I can’t help but feel like I’ve always needed someone like her in my life. But it’s not just take, take, take. I give her my youthful energy and spirit every time we hangout. She even asked me if I wanted to move into your old room. So if you see your posters and trophies down, that’s because we made room for me to stay over. Nothing personal kid, just let nature take it’s course.