Recently, I was looking through my online cloud of pictures and I stumbled across a letter that I took a picture of, back when I was in my first year of university. The letter was written to a lady who I was very fond of at the time, who I was never able to have her reciprocate those feelings back to me. I wrote this letter when I was leaving university after first year, right before the summer started. After reading this letter which I had forgotten that I had ever written, I started to feel the same feelings I felt nearly two years a go. To be honest, the letter is a lot of filler and not very well written and I feel a little shame having written in the style that I wrote it in. That being said, I am deciding that I will share the letter. I think that where I’m at in life right now is very different than who I was then, and this letter is a good example of that, as well as that it’s actually quite sweet. I’m like 99 percent over this (that one percent being if that lady were to one day just say “Hey AThoughtfulBear, let’s get together sometime”), so why not just share it because I think it would be kind of fun.
Disclaimer: I have edited it out certain parts of the letter, like her name and other personal information.
It’s hard to start this letter because I have a hard time saying everything I like about you and even if I did write down every quality and memory it still would not do you justice. Well let’s start like this – it’s not a love letter or a confession of love, well I don’t think so, that’s irrelevant but you already know how I feel about you. I’ve told you many times but even as I write all this filler I don’t know how to start as there are so many memories, even though our relationship feels episodic as we see each other once every, what seems to be a week. I started to realize how much I value our relationship when I started counting the days in between. If I start anywhere I guess it would be your charm. Not going to lie, the first time I met you, I was hooked. I just wanted to get closer to you. I don’t think anyone has ever made such a strong first impression on me, like ever. You are literally the only person I would speak my mind to about anything. I don’t think you realize how much I value you, seriously. I don’t know how much your boyfriend appreciates you but he is a very lucky man and I really hope he knows that. I am really going to miss you ——–, I really am, Even as I try to conclude this letter at 3:45 am, I’m having a hard time with knowing that I won’t see you as often as I can. Let’s keep in touch this summer.
Thanks for being my friend,
This letter sucks, it makes me as a writer kind of cringe but at the same time happy. For a moment in life I felt great things for a person and that reminds me that although life can be hard and there is often struggle – there is also often happiness. In this story I never got the girl but I did have love in my heart. The shittiness of not being able to have her love me back, was the byproduct of me having such wonderful feelings for a person in the first place. How lucky I am to have made such a relationship. And for that humbling moment, I appreciate that lady even more. By the way, I meant everything in that letter. She really was the only person I felt comfortable about talking about my insecurities and personal issues with. She was amazing, she still is amazing and although my relationship with her is not very strong, I still wish her nothing but the best.